We've all been there. Someone does something to really annoy or frustrate us and we are so hot under the collar that we can't think about anything else. So, hoping to relieve frustration or get a sense of calm, we reach out to a friend to vent. But, talking to one person didn't make us feel better, so we have to talk to someone else, and maybe another person after that until we feel justified in our feelings? Ever been there? Let's be honest, we have all been there or have been on the receiving end of a situation such as this.
Although venting can help us relieve stress and solve problems, when venting turns to gossip it is destructive. Gossip makes everyone look bad and it destroys relationships. Trust me, I'm ashamed to say, this has happened to me many times. I start out just venting my feelings and frustrations, but then the conversation turns to the dark side, and I begin to complain about the other person pointing out their flaws and failures. The bible says:
"There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health. The truthful lip shall be established forever, But a lying tongue is but for a moment. Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, But counselors of peace have joy.
Proverbs 12:18-20
After reading a few articles and verses in the bible that talk about the power of the tongue to destroy or build up, I have concluded that I am guilty of using venting as a cover up for gossip. What has been revealed to me is this:
* If what we say will cause harm to someone's character- bridle the tongue.
* If we wouldn't say it to their face- bridle the tongue.
* If what we say or share would offend the other person or make them feel bad- bridle the tongue.
* If what we say will cause someone else to think badly of another person, or cause them to stumble- bridle the tongue.
If venting is necessary, we need to stick with talking about our feelings about the situation and not move into grumbling about the other person. Some questions to ask ourselves:
* Are we venting to prevent bottling up the emotions?
* Are we venting to solve a problem?
*Or, are we venting to justify our feelings? Meaning, we are not wanting to solve the problem or decompress, but instead we are looking for someone to join in on our emotions; hop on the "other people are bad and I'm right" band wagon.
Wow! What a powerful lesson. There are so many ways that we can turn innocent conversations into gossip:
* Sharing a concern we have for a friend who's going through a bad time, but giving all the juicy details
*Requesting prayer for someone without permission to share, just so we can look like we're "in the loop"
* Letting someone know something about another person so they "won't be caught off guard"
What I've learned is that gossip isn't just about telling lies or stretching truths, according to the Word of God, it is when what comes out of our mouth is not edifying or uplifting. If what we say is going to cause harm to someone else's character, or it might make someone feel bad, than it needs to not be said. As Christians, we should always be about love, respect, mercy, and grace so that our lives reflect Christ to others.
Please pray with me that we bridle our tongues, and that we rely on the Holy Spirit to give us the power to overcome pride, anger, and resentment so we can glorify Him.
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