Anyone who has known me since childhood, knows that they can always count on me for a hug. I recall walking down the hallways of our high school hugging my friends as I walked to my locker. I grew up in a family where hugs were a main way to show affection. Actually, if someone was mad, usually lack of physical contact was a clear sign that something was wrong. I also found that a big hug made all the bad feelings melt away.
Time has passed and society has gotten in the way of a once daily practice and traditional way that I showed love an affection toward friends and family. Professional behaviors stepped in and I quickly found that a hand shake was okay, but a head nod of recognition was more acceptable as we want to assure we do not spread germs. Hugging? Well, that was saved for close friends and family; not appropriate in the working world.
However, as I reflect on my relationships, the closeness I feel to my friends, I am seeing a connection between physical contact and how close I feel to a friend. In the article that I mention later in this blog, physical affection is related to trust and closeness.
This past Sunday, our Pastor spoke about friendship and used the relationship between David and Jonathan in I Samuel as an example of what it means to be a true friend. Jonathan was the son of King Saul, next in line for the throne. However, due to the sins of Saul, God had promised the crown to David. Jonathan could have chosen to be jealous, angry, vengeful, or even resentful toward his friend, but he chose to believe the best in his friend. Jonathan chose friendship, love, loyalty, respect of God, and honor toward David even though he would not be King. On the other side, we have David who for, all tends and purposes, could have chosen to question Jonathan's motives in being his friend (keep your enemies closer). David could have chosen fear; fear that one day Jonathan would choose to take back his place in line for the kingdom and join one of his father's many quests to kill David. But this was not the case..
As we continue to read through I Samuel, we see account after account of the fierce commitment, respect and love that David and Jonathan had for one another. The question is how did they show this affection? They protected one another. They greeted one another with affection. They showed support for one another through gift giving. They always gave one another the benefit of the doubt.
If you don't like the story of David and Jonathan and their relationship makes you uncomfortable, then look at Ruth and Naomi. Devotion, steadfastness, commitment, dedication, provision and love. The bible calls us to love one another above ourselves. Here are some verses regarding affection:
- Proverbs 18:24a A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.
- John 13:35 By this shall all men know that ye are My disciples, if ye have love one to another.
- Romans 12:10a Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love.
- Colossians 2:2a That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love.
- Colossians 3:14 And above all these things put on charity [love], which is the bond of perfectness.
- Hebrews 13:1 Let brotherly love continue.
- 1 Peter 3:8b Love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous.
- 1 John 3:11 For this is the message that ye heard from the beginning, that we should love one another.
- 1 John 4:21 And this commandment have we from Him, That he who loveth God love his brother also.
For each person, showing love can be either easy or difficult, depending on your own experiences on how love was shown to you. However, there is so much research to support the importance of physical contact. In an article in Psychology Today, I found this nugget:
"Seven Reasons to Be More Physically Affectionate: Science explains why hugging is healthy". (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/affectionado/201309/seven-reasons-be-more-physically-affectionate)
1. Physical affection releases feel-good hormones.
2. Physical affection predicts marital love.
3. Physical affection is related to lower blood pressure.
4. Physical affection makes you appear more trustworthy.
5. Physical affection reduces stress hormones.
6. Physical affection is associated with higher relationship satisfaction.
7. Physical affection today puts you in a better mood tomorrow.
My family has learned that when I am "off", one of the best ways to get me to come around is to give me a hug. I have found that when my kids seem irritable or my daughter is choosing to do things that she knows are not okay, stopping what I'm doing and giving my children 5 minutes of time to really give them a hug, look them in the eye and allow them to talk with me makes all of the difference in the world in their behaviors as well as my own behaviors toward them.
Hugs and affection are very important to me, and I believe that God has instilled this need for affection in each of us. Trauma and unfortunate events may cause some to cringe at the thought of hugging someone, but I believe God clearly calls us to show love toward one another as well as saying the words. He can also give us healing in those areas of our lives. Jesus greeted others with a kiss; (cultural relevance) a display of affection and friendship. As children of God, we need to embrace all ways in which God calls us to show our love toward others and allow others to show love toward us. If you are not comfortable with a hug, then a firm handshake that includes eye contact is another way to say, "I appreciate, respect and care about you".
Receiving hugs, a handshake with eye contact, or a hand on the shoulder with eye contact let's me know that you truly care about me and our friendship/relationship is important to you. Physical affection is also a way that I show that I care about my friends, so, my friends,this is your warning: HUGS ARE COMING YOUR WAY. I want those feel-good hormones. I want to decrease stress and lower blood pressure. I want my friends to know they can trust me and that I care about them. I want to be in a better mood today and tomorrow!
I promise to slow down; to not be in a such a hurry to get down to business that I forget to show those I love that you are important to me! I also promise to give more grace and mercy to those I love. Believing that you are on my side; always giving you the benefit of the doubt.
My family has learned that when I am "off", one of the best ways to get me to come around is to give me a hug. I have found that when my kids seem irritable or my daughter is choosing to do things that she knows are not okay, stopping what I'm doing and giving my children 5 minutes of time to really give them a hug, look them in the eye and allow them to talk with me makes all of the difference in the world in their behaviors as well as my own behaviors toward them.
Hugs and affection are very important to me, and I believe that God has instilled this need for affection in each of us. Trauma and unfortunate events may cause some to cringe at the thought of hugging someone, but I believe God clearly calls us to show love toward one another as well as saying the words. He can also give us healing in those areas of our lives. Jesus greeted others with a kiss; (cultural relevance) a display of affection and friendship. As children of God, we need to embrace all ways in which God calls us to show our love toward others and allow others to show love toward us. If you are not comfortable with a hug, then a firm handshake that includes eye contact is another way to say, "I appreciate, respect and care about you".
Receiving hugs, a handshake with eye contact, or a hand on the shoulder with eye contact let's me know that you truly care about me and our friendship/relationship is important to you. Physical affection is also a way that I show that I care about my friends, so, my friends,this is your warning: HUGS ARE COMING YOUR WAY. I want those feel-good hormones. I want to decrease stress and lower blood pressure. I want my friends to know they can trust me and that I care about them. I want to be in a better mood today and tomorrow!
I promise to slow down; to not be in a such a hurry to get down to business that I forget to show those I love that you are important to me! I also promise to give more grace and mercy to those I love. Believing that you are on my side; always giving you the benefit of the doubt.
Matthew 22:36-40 New King James Version (NKJV)36 “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?” 37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
Comments
Post a Comment