It's been so long since I've blogged and I apologize to my followers. After the unfortunate miscarriage in November, I kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Again, I apologize. I do want you to know that I was not out of communication with God, but I did not know how to share my struggles with my readers. Anger, sadness, grief, disappointment and mostly struggling with what I might have done that may have caused God to not answer my prayers. I know, silly right? God has His reasons for everything and I do not have any right to question His Will.
Anyway, one thing that I have learned about myself and my relationship with my Father in Heaven is that even when I have doubts, struggles and trials, I don't blame Him I blame myself. I know that my Father loves me and that no matter what I do He will always love me. One thing I learned through this loss is that I always fear that I am not good enough for the Father. It's unrealistic, but I found that I feel like I have to win His approval, that I have to do everything perfectly all the time or He will take things away from me that I truly desire, such as another child.
Maybe these thoughts are not completely unrealistic, the fact is that The Father will only give me the desires of my heart if it is part of His Will and only in His timing, not mine. But, viewing the Father's love as equal to the love I receive from others (conditional) is completely incorrect.
So, daily I try to view myself through the eyes of God. This means when I ask for forgiveness and repent of my sins, I must truly believe it is forgiven and forgotten by the Father and I must also forgive myself and move on.
I have a tendency to hold on to all of my failures and dwell on them. For instance, I find myself often focusing on the negative (constructive criticism) that I have received in the past from employers, friends, family, etc.This isn't all bad has it helps me to not repeat the past, however, I tend to dwell on the negatives of my character and abilities more so than the positives. I've been told that my positive characteristics out weigh the negative, but in my mind, the negative out weigh the positive.
Now that I've wrote that on paper, it would seem that I would be a very depressed person and at times I am. But through the grace and mercy of the Father, He reminds me daily that I am His child and that He loves me for who I am and that through His loving guidance I can rise above the past and look forward.
A friend of mine once said, "God the Father sees me as His perfect child and thus I look through His eyes at myself and see that I am perfect just the way I am". I don't know if I completely agree with this statement, but I surely need to be looking at myself through God's eyes and not the world's eye. I need to stop worrying about making others happy or disappointment others and focus on making my Father in Heaven happy by serving Him and dedicating every day to serving Him.
PSALMS 34:5 5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.
Well, I need to go as I have to meet with Jonah's 1st grade teacher soon! Wow! First grade!
Dear Lord,
Please help me to call upon your name each and every day and to fill my life with your glory. Help me to a light in the world and to not cause shadows to fall and hinder others from growing in your grace and mercy. Thank you Lord for your Son Jesus Christ and for the give of your unconditional love. Help me to look toward the future in serving you and take away the negative from my life so that I can serve you more fully.
In Jesus Name Amen!
Anyway, one thing that I have learned about myself and my relationship with my Father in Heaven is that even when I have doubts, struggles and trials, I don't blame Him I blame myself. I know that my Father loves me and that no matter what I do He will always love me. One thing I learned through this loss is that I always fear that I am not good enough for the Father. It's unrealistic, but I found that I feel like I have to win His approval, that I have to do everything perfectly all the time or He will take things away from me that I truly desire, such as another child.
Maybe these thoughts are not completely unrealistic, the fact is that The Father will only give me the desires of my heart if it is part of His Will and only in His timing, not mine. But, viewing the Father's love as equal to the love I receive from others (conditional) is completely incorrect.
So, daily I try to view myself through the eyes of God. This means when I ask for forgiveness and repent of my sins, I must truly believe it is forgiven and forgotten by the Father and I must also forgive myself and move on.
I have a tendency to hold on to all of my failures and dwell on them. For instance, I find myself often focusing on the negative (constructive criticism) that I have received in the past from employers, friends, family, etc.This isn't all bad has it helps me to not repeat the past, however, I tend to dwell on the negatives of my character and abilities more so than the positives. I've been told that my positive characteristics out weigh the negative, but in my mind, the negative out weigh the positive.
Now that I've wrote that on paper, it would seem that I would be a very depressed person and at times I am. But through the grace and mercy of the Father, He reminds me daily that I am His child and that He loves me for who I am and that through His loving guidance I can rise above the past and look forward.
A friend of mine once said, "God the Father sees me as His perfect child and thus I look through His eyes at myself and see that I am perfect just the way I am". I don't know if I completely agree with this statement, but I surely need to be looking at myself through God's eyes and not the world's eye. I need to stop worrying about making others happy or disappointment others and focus on making my Father in Heaven happy by serving Him and dedicating every day to serving Him.
PSALMS 34:5 5 They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.
Well, I need to go as I have to meet with Jonah's 1st grade teacher soon! Wow! First grade!
Dear Lord,
Please help me to call upon your name each and every day and to fill my life with your glory. Help me to a light in the world and to not cause shadows to fall and hinder others from growing in your grace and mercy. Thank you Lord for your Son Jesus Christ and for the give of your unconditional love. Help me to look toward the future in serving you and take away the negative from my life so that I can serve you more fully.
In Jesus Name Amen!
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